The Secrets Within
by dizzybelle
Summary: Dani has always known she was Divergent. She left the mundane life of Abnegation for Amity because she thought she would be safe. She is about to learn that not all is what it seems to be and this city that she lives in is harboring more secrets than she is.


I am selfish. I have known it all my life; that I don't belong. My nature is to protect myself, not others. Maybe that's because I am an orphan and I didn't have parental guidance and love or maybe it's because my parents were not from Abnegation. I'm willing to bet the latter.

I have a secret. I've known it since I can remember and I know that this secret is dangerous. I am Divergent. If I had any doubts about this before, they are gone. Yesterday, my Aptitude Test concluded inconclusive. My test administer wasn't Erudite, thank God, but a slender black haired woman covered in tattoos and piercings-Dauntless. I've heard of other Divergents before-even met some, but they've only lasted a short time. The others tried to help more Divergents, get them out of their factions alive, but at their own peril. I've been trying to stay under the radar, keep away from the Erudites who are hunting us. It's been working out well for me so far, but I've hit a complication-today is my Choosing Ceremony.

I know that Abnegation is the safest place for me and as I walk through the cracking paved streets, I see why. They would help anyone, even the Divergents. They won't avidly search for me like Erudite or Dauntless would. I just can't bring myself to live here any longer. For sixteen years I have been droning on in this place, going through the motions, never having any friends or fun. I do not fit in here and it is apparent by everyone.

I see a child fall from climbing up on a fence and do nothing while people rush to his aid. If he was smarter he would have went up over the fence a few feet to the right where a wide, flattish rock sits as a natural boost. I can't be in this faction anymore. I feel suffocated. I am weighted by my false-ness towards these people who try to be so kind to me. I need to go- but where?

Erudite is obviously a no. I can't go to the main Divergent-hunting facility. I walk up to the fence the child was trying to cross and sling my legs up. The people are gone with the child, probably giving him medical attention for a little scrape on his leg. I shake my head and dream of Dauntless.

Now there is a place I could go if I wanted fun. They are always laughing and _touching _each other. They can pat a friend on the back or hold a loved one's hand without being reprimanded. I remember when I was six, my friend Mary and I had been skipping and I linked my arm through hers, smiling. A teacher came over and unlinked us, yelling that physical touch was selfish and unnecessary. Mary spoke up that it was her idea and that I shouldn't get into trouble. In a normal world, anyone else would be thankful to Mary. But I was angry. She made me look bad and she took the blame, being selfless. If you ask me, that was selfish of her to make me look disobedient. I shouted, "Liar!" and hit Mary across the face. The teacher then grabbed my arm-funny how she didn't care about physical contact then-and reprimanded me in her office for the rest of the day.

I am always fantasizing about the Dauntless. They seem fearless, doing anything they want. It looks like freedom, the one thing I want most in this world. But I know I can't join Dauntless. I have too many fears. I don't even know if I am capable of jumping off a train-their main form of transportation. Also, the woman who administered my Aptitude Test told me Dauntless isn't safe for people like me. But the desire still burns within me for the rough, thrilling lives they lead.

I can't choose Candor because I have to hold onto my secret. There's no telling if or when Candor will join ranks with Erudite and start rounding up Divergents. Besides, I've always believed that some secrets should be left alone.

I suppose that leaves Amity. I'm not sure I see myself sitting around a campfire and singing along to a banjo for the rest of my life, but it does seem safe. The Amity are slightly closer to Erudite than I would like because they are each essential factions, but I don't see how Erudite can take over Amity, causing the peace to be broken. And Amity works _beyond_ the fence. I feel myself shake as those words roll through me. It is one of my biggest fears and biggest desires. I am afraid of what is out there but relish in the thought of completely being _free_. Maybe the people will know more about the outside since they live so close there. Maybe I can finally break away from this place of factions and enter into a new world of open opportunities.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around. It's Mary. She looks perfectly Abnegation with her brown hair in a neat bun, "Danielle, we should get going. We don't want to be late for the Choosing Ceremony." I quickly tuck the piece of green string under my sleeve. We can't have any pops of color to distinguish our individuality in Abnegation.

I found the string when I was out walking a couple of years ago. I was contemplating running away, beyond the fence. A boy named Jacob had just asked my why I have no friends and where my parents were. Looking back, I realize it was stupid to get so upset, but I was having a bad day. I kicked a rock with my shoe and when I looked down, there it was. This rare burst of color in an otherwise gray world gave me hope. It's silly to say, but this string is what keeps me going sometimes. Since the day I found it, I have kept it tied around my wrist-a little reminder of something more.

I hop down from the fence and smile at Mary. It was wrong of me to be so hard on her and to distance myself from this girl who only wanted to be my friend. I know it's not Abnegation to do this, but I slide my hand through her arm and walk away just as we did as children.

* * *

At the Choosing Ceremony, Mary chooses Abnegation just like I knew she would. Marcus Eaton stands on the stage, looking solemn as he calls my name, "Danielle Olsen." Eyes turn to me as I calmly stand up and take to the stage. I walk past Marcus without a glance. He is supposed to be the very best of Abnegation, but to be honest, I never really like him. I pick up the knife and steadily cut into my hand without flinching. Out of the corner of my eye I see some Dauntless sit up straighter. But I will not be joining them today. Instead, I put my hand over the soil in the Amity bowl and let the blood fall. I see the Dauntless who sat up slouch back down in their seats, disappointed. Cheers erupt from my right and I turn to the red and yellow clad people who are now my faction. I take a deep breath, smile, and head toward the clapping people. I sit next to a yellow haired girl who grins and says, "Welcome to Amity. I'm Alex." I grin back and what comes out of my mouth has never been said before, "Thanks. I'm Dani."


End file.
